Scenario….

You meet a guy (or girl) and you start having conversations. Nothing too serious, a little small talk here and there. Eventually phone calls turn into texting, skyping and occasional dates. You realize this person possesses a lot of qualities you THINK you want in a partner. They’re funny, attentive, can hold a conversation, they have a job, no kids which means no crazy “baby momma” or “baby daddy” to deal with, they listen to your dreams and overall they just seem like a good person. Things are going well for you and now you’re in a full relationship. Eventually things change. What you thought used to be funny now seems childish, conversations are forced and you just can’t find the words to keep each others attention. Things are different and you don’t know why? Well guess what YES you do!

Things are different because YOU are different. It’s ok to grow up. Change is good, being stuck in one place or in one mindset too long can cause friction. At some point there NEEDS to be a turn of events. If you continue to do the same thing at the same time everyday then the flame will eventually burn out. Don’t let people make you feel guilty for wanting different. There however is a BIG difference from WANTING different and BEING different. You can want to progress but don’t completely change who you are in the process to get it.

Example: At 20 you may have wanted to just hang out with your friends and party every weekend. You may have had a love for adventure and traveling and didn’t want kids or a serious relationship and you and your “significant other” both agreed to this. Fast forward and now you are 27 and still with the same individual. You decide now is the time to calm down on the partying, you’re ready to have kids and build a family. This is progress. You still like to hang out with friends and want to travel but now you want to do it as a family and moderately. Your partner is still stuck in that 20-year-old mindset and claims you’ve changed. You haven’t changed, you’ve progressed and prioritized your life.

One of the biggest mistakes we make in these situations is blaming others for our change of pace. Just because I have progressed in my mind I can’t expect my partner to be on the same page as me at all times. That would be ideal but the truth of the matter is until we are married we are still completing two different stories. While I am closer to the epilogue in my story he may just be ending chapter 10.

Here comes the problem. Do I put my book on hold to finish reading his or do I finish my story without him and then go back and read his? Relationships regardless of how they begin are all about give and take. Sacrifices are made to help you both get results. It shouldn’t be a count of who has sacrificed the most and who hasn’t. Whether we believe it or not someone will always sacrifice more, but when it’s all said and done they end up with twice the blessings. They gave up something they thought they wanted for someone they knew they wanted. Whether or not things go bad just remember that moment when the choice was made and how right you felt in making that choice. That moment is what matters most. Not the hurt you feel when things go wrong.

I’ve heard that one moment can’t erase a heartbreak, or a million other ones but I call BULLSHIT. I know for a fact that regardless of where my life takes me I have single moments from every relationship and friendship that I’ve ever had that helps me remain hopeful and to believe in the good of people. Whether it was the first day we met, a moment where we laughed until we cried, a simple walk on the boardwalk, sitting on rocks at the river or a quick glance while snuggling on the couch watching a movie. Those type of moments keep my faith in love and people. I believe in the happily ever after.

Most stories are filled with drama, plot twists, and heartache but at some point the chapter has to end and a new one begins. I don’t know what my new chapter will hold but I do believe my story is far from over. Things fall a part so they can be put back together in a new and improved way. It may not fit together perfectly, there will be cracks in the foundation but with a little glue (hope, love, prayer) it will stand stronger than ever. I am kind of afraid to start a new chapter at the moment but eventually I will have to find out how the story ends….until then I will just turn the page.

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